Possibility of refilming

I have analysed London to Brighton and I had tried to base my opening sequence slightly on the opening of that, because in that opening the audience is put straight into the action and dialogue. So thats why I wanted to include the dialogue between my Nan & Siri.
Miss thought I had included too much walking, but I should like to stick with my Saturday Night Fever follow-on theme.
Miss wants me to include more dialogue between Siri and my Nan. She wants maybe Siri and my nan arguing and Siri trying to push past to run out of the door. I feel that the meeting of Lex and Siri will the more important dialogue, because these are to be the main characters, so I  would prefer to focus more on that.
Also, I wanted to show the audience that Siri was sneaking out of the house and her mother didn't even notice because she was too busy worrying about where her dinner was. She could get away without her mother knowing and no-one would come after her straight away.
I believe a synopsis should not tell the whole story, and because I had written "abusive mother" my teacher believes that I should show this in some way, but I think that could be something that has happened earlier and now this is the point where she decides to leave. The film could have flashbacks to previous incidents and arguments at a later stage.

2nd attempt @ first 30 seconds

It took me aaaaages to find out how to cut the clip of Siri walking down the staires so I could insert the clip of my nan shouting "Taylor, wheres my dinner?" I ended up having to look it up on YouTube to find out how to do it
I inserted the clip when Siri was halfway down the staires. But I still don't think that looks quite right so I think I will cut the staires clip again so when Siri is about 3/4 down the staires I shall insert the clip of my nan shouting

I just think the audience would not want to see another long clip of Siri walking down the staires after they see my nan shout at her.

I didn't get very long to work on my editing because the lesson was only half an hour long

1st attempt @ first 30 seconds

I put together all of my clips to make the first 30 seconds of my opening sequence



As you can see it is very rough. I need to shorten the clips even more especially when Siri walks to the bottom of the staires because you can hear me talk to her. I am a little worried that the clips don't really fit together like I thought they would so when I imagined my opening sequence, and I don't think it really all flows.

I have decided I will try adding titles over the top of some of the clips. For example during the first clip while Siri is stuffing the clothes into the bag I will have the Production Company/Distributors name over this, because some audience members may not want to only see a clip of Siri packing a bag, the logo will could add some interest.

It has been really annoying me how you will see Siri walk down the staires, then my nan will shout at her, then she will be walking out of the house. I think if I keep it like this the audience will agree with me that it does not work. So I came up with the idea that halfway through the clip of Siri walking down the staires, I could cut to my nan shouting, and then it would cut back to Siri walking the rest of the way down the staires. However, it would then cut to Siri walking out of the house, would this work? I will have to edit the video further in my lesson on thursday to see if my idea will work.

I could have the first half of Siri walking down the staires, then my nan shouting at her - but only the first bit where she is shouting "Taylor", then it would go back to Siri walking down the staires, then my nan shouting "wheres my dinner?", then the clip of Siri walking out of the door. This could work because everything should all flow together. But it also has the risk of everything looking too thrown together and the audience may find it hard to follow the story. I shall try this idea on thursday.